So, I have a bad back. Bought on by tension due to stress and a bad bed (new mattress tomorrow) so I decided that I would have a hot bath.
I lit a few candles, threw in a gold dust bath bomb and turned the hot tap up and the cold down.
I put on Loft Sessions by Bethel Music and settled in. I started reading a book by Beth Redman about how God knows us. After a few pages I realised I needed to soak it in. Listening to these words about how big God is, reading these words about how much he loves me and I was struck.
I spend so much time thinking about other people. I claim that I love God with all my heart, and I do. He is magnificent – when I think about him. But recently I have got to know a few people who are relatively well known, particularly in Christian circles. Two in particular have been generous beyond words and have shown me such love and support. I have found myself more than once thinking about how odd it is that such individuals would spend any time on me.
One of these is a woman who I have admired, watched and loved since my early teens when I first saw her on stage. She is an extraordinary woman of God. I have found myself, as this friendship developed, wondering at the fact that she should have any time for me.
These reflections struck me as odd as I listened to the words ‘you hung the stars and move the sea’. How is it that I can be so incredibly overwhelmed by a human, an impressive one yes, but a human all the same. In the same breath I will state I believe in a God who made me, knows every part of me, created the heavens and the earth and yet I don’t spend hours wondering why he likes me.
Yes, sporadically I question his sanity but I believe in Jesus. I believe in Psalm 139, I believe that God knows me better than I can ever hope to know myself, and he still sent his son to die for me.
I am, tonight, reminded afresh that I am loved, designed, created and adored by a God who could blink the entire creation out of existence. He has time, for me.
I thank God for the inspirational people he has put around me, and I am grateful for the knowledge and wisdom they so generously offer me, but first I stop and I marvel. God, the mightiest of all, loves me. Has time for me.
I question his creation in me every day, many times a day and instead of getting frustrated he points me to the bible. He shows me Exodus 14:14, Romans 5:1-5, Psalm 139 and so many more psalms aside. He points out verse after verse into which he has poured his adoration and love.
Now, I go to bed. Still steaming slightly and potentially a little cooked, but content.